happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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