Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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