Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was like eating out sand paper
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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