I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
