i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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