are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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