You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
