it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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