please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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