im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
