I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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