Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
