I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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