Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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