WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
