Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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