It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
