just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
