Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
