There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
