She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
