i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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