So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
"it" just moved
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
