it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
