i would punch a child for taco bell
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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