phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
