They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
