he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
