I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize