I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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