so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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