Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
