I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
