Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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