how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I understand Curling. That high.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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