btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
