then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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