my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
