I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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