Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
