If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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