We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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