I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They took my balls.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
