Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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