Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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