My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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