Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
