I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
did i walk over a car last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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