You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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