I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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