Don't you send me to vm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
