Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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