my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
