EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
