Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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