You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize