and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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