There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
