So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
