It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
