What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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