I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My breasts were aching with rage.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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