She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
