K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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